It's just 7 am and you're led swaddled on my chest with your soft, fine hair tickling my chin. Your sweet little snores are blending perfectly with your Papi's and the furry monsters who are at the foot of our bed. You've slept since 11 PM and I had to wake you at 6.10 AM so we could start on the first booby feed of the day. You are 8 weeks and 5 days old, where has the time gone? It feels like you've been part of our life forever, but at the same time as if our time is whizzing by.
Sometimes when I look at you my heart feels like it is swelling to the point of bursting. I still can't quite believe you are here and that you are so perfect.
I feel like I'm already missing out on so much with you.
I'm conscious that mummy is glued to her phone during feeding times and each time I've glanced down and caught you gazing at me, it's broken my heart to realize I've missed some vital bonding moment in favor of my stupid phone.
I feel guilty for rushing your feeds so I can have a few more minutes of freedom before you want to plug back in again. That sometimes I will tell myself that you can't possibly he hungry again so soon and that just one more minute to finish my whatever won't hurt.
How many times have I already willingly handed you over so that Mummy can rush to the work laptop and respond to a business email or return a call or finish a design.
Mummy feels guilty for having to work whilst you are still so tiny, but being the only earner and caring for you all also means that sadly mummy has no choice.
In light of all the things I feel I may miss, I vow to try and remember and cherish all the tiny things you do that make my heart soar just that little bit higher.
I love the way when you've just been woken from a nap you draw your legs up, raise your arms, arch your back, turn your head to the side and do the cutest Mick Jagger pout! I am determined to get a video of this so I can still get my daily fix when you no longer sleep in my arms.
I love your serious expression that constantly morphs into grumpy cat while you are sleeping and looks identical to the face of Big Nanny the last time I saw her, a bitter sweet experience every time it happens.
I love when you have been unsettled and wailing for everyone else and when I take you and try to soothe you, you finally settle.
I love the trembling lower lip that seems to come on when you are sad, but we just can't seem to figure out why.
Your new "girly" scream is adorable and I think the fact that Papi hates it is hilarious. I call it your not getting your own way scream as it's the one you use when you are feeling whiny for no particular reason.
You have been able to use real tears since you were two days old and although initially it would pull at my heart strings, it now makes me chuckle that you have this weapon in your arsenal. It works on most family members and they will put that extra effort into trying to console you when those real tears make an appearance.
I love how you are so petite and feminine and yet you burp, parp and poop like a trooper! Seriously, your poor Papi has been blamed countless times for your loud noises.
I love how you are seemingly addicted to the television. It doesn't matter where we are, or where you are placed in a room, that tiny head of yours will constantly swivel around to seek out the television. Just like Mummy.
We are cherishing every night that you give us a whole night sleep (surely almost a month of them now!). We know not to get complacent or to take them for granted, but I love the fact that you're addicted to sleep (at night anyway) as much as Mummy.
I cannot contain my love when I see a feature or mannerism that so perfectly mirrors my own, it is breath taking.
The fact that you are so tiny (most of your clothing is still premature or tiny baby size!), but your temper and strength is off the scale. You've had amazing head support and neck strength from your very first day and that temper goes from chilled angel to screaming demon in nanoseconds. Though she be but little, she is fierce.
How do I love thee? I actually couldn't count the ways. I hope I never forget a single precious moment that we spend together and that the times we are apart or that Mummy seems distracted by work is over-shadowed by the memories we make and the love I shower on you.
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